Wow, I haven't added to this blog since July 24th! Which I think is a good topic to write about today...
All my life I've tried and failed to complete major projects. I desperately want to be doing something awesome with my life, but I always abandon the exciting projects I'm working on.
Here are some examples:
-when I was in high school, I tried starting a club called SANE (Students Advocating Nonconformity Everywhere) which would support and encourage eccentric students. I wrote a proposal for it and everything, and it was supposedly going to be presented to the district board. It never was taken to the board, and I didn't press the issue.
-when I was 14, I tried learning Latin. I got through a thick book on the language in a month (yes, I was hypomanic) and I planned to get tutoring in the language from a lady in my church. I soon forgot about my desire to learn Latin. Other languages I've studied informally for a few weeks and then given up on? French, Italian, Czech, and even Scottish Gaelic.
-When I went to Italy last year, I planned to blog about my adventures. I made a grand total of 1 post before forgetting about it.
-My junior year of high school, I decided that I wanted to enter a nationwide science fair. I read about neuroscience and planned experiments studying Alzheimer's disease (which my grandmother died from). Senior year, I lost all my energy and never completed the project.
-I wrote almost a complete dystopian novel in November of 2010 (and no, I was not experiencing any degree of mania then. November is national novel writing month, and I was simply participating). Though I met the word count goal for the month (50,000 words) I still had a few chapters left to write. I abandoned the novel for years, and returned to it in March. Then I decided that it was crap and stopped working on it again.
-Sophomore year of college, I had the grand idea to write a book compiling patients' experiences with bipolar disorder. I lasted about a week, and then slowly abandoned the project. January of this year, I tried working on it again, but was discouraged by how hard it was to interview people to get their stories. I still plan to complete the book eventually, but progress has been slow. Here is a link to the blog I started about the process of writing this book: http://conversationswithourcondition.blogspot.com As you can see, it hasn't been updated since March.
-Now: Phoenix Rising. I believe that the things I planned to do through this nascent organization (blog posts, YouTube videos, and even self-published books on important social issues) have the potential to do a lot of good in the world. I keep getting distracted, however, and my dedication to this organization appears choppy.
So, why do I have such a hard time getting anything done? A lot of it is mood dependent. I start a lot of projects at once when I am manic (or even just feeling better than normal). Then I inevitably crash, and have no energy to continue. Part of my problem is also due to poor time management. It's hard for me to budget my hours, and something other than the project I'm working on begins to dominate my schedule. And finally, cognitive symptoms interfere with my progress. When I am experiencing severe symptoms, I typically can't write very well due to problems with memory, attention, and creativity. I'm embarrassed of my writing then, and essentially stop trying to create anything meaningful.
So. there you have it, why I haven't written a post here since July. I am NOT abandoning this project, though it may seem like it at times. I have set a goal for myself to update this blog 2 times a week. I have a lot of ideas for Phoenix Rising, and I plan to tell you about them in the next post (which I'm aiming to have done by Sunday).
Am I alone in my struggle, or do any of you have problems seeing projects through to completion? If you have this problem, what have you done to try to overcome it?
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